I have a blog?

Ummm... yea.  So obviously I've been missing for a few days.  I have all these ideas of what to blog about and how I'll do it but then finding the time to sit down and actually do it is killing me... there is none.

The other day I said to myself, "I have a blog?"  I was driving home from work on my way to my new other work and then it his me... CRAP... I hadn't blogged in like a week or something like that!  I love to blog, it's one of my favorite things about me!  I love that I blog and can lay things out in front of people without worrying about judgement and not worrying about how it looks! 

The only thing I worry about is the state of my pictures...

But I realized that these last couple weeks have been hectic.  This weekend my husband was in town for hockey, but was MIA for both days.  I have taken on a part time job to help deal with some new expenses in our household and that's keeping me busy 2-3 days a week.  Then I have Stella of course... oh yea, and Ella!

I'm trying to find time for it all.  I'm trying to keep my sanity which is quickly slipping away.  I'm trying to do it all and finding that maybe I'm not superwoman.  Maybe I'm just your typical girl who wants it all, but can't have it.  I feel like I'm stuck in this cycle that I am struggling to get out of.  Will I ever get out?

When I clean my house it's messy again.  When I clean the garage, it gets messy again.  The bricks in the front of my house are always a mess.  There's always laundry to do.  There's always a project that needs finished.  There's always a problem with our house.  Typically I feel alone.  Typically I feel like I pick up the slack everywhere.  I feel guilty that I sleep or eat or buy something.  I feel guilty that I'm not with my baby enough.  I feel guilty that I don't exude love and kindness to those around me that often.  I feel angry and jealous.

Are all these things normal?  I hope so.

So yes, I'm hopefully back to blogging with some time management spreadsheets that should help -- that's what they are meant to do so I guess I'll be the judge of that! 

Please don't judge my vent...
It was short and I'm sure I forgot much.
One day I will do a happy vent... one day.


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